Facing the prospect of surgery once again, I’m engulfed in a sea of emotions. I am feeling frustration, anxiety, and a glimmer of hope. It’s hard to believe that just last December, I was reeling from brain surgery to address an aneurysm. That was a frightening ordeal that still haunts me today.
The memory of losing my sister to the same condition in 2018 only amplifies my apprehension. She was my guiding light, and in an unexpected twist of fate, her experience shone a spotlight on my vulnerability, ultimately saving my life.
A Painful Journey to Knee Replacement
Now, I’m staring down the barrel of another surgery, this time for a knee replacement. How did I get here? My thoughts swirl back to the meniscus surgeries I’ve endured over the past decade—did they set the stage for this? Or perhaps it’s the years of gel shots and cortisone injections that have led me to this painful juncture. Regardless of the cause, the reality is that my knee is in disrepair.
Triumphs Amidst Turmoil
This year, running gave me moments of triumph amidst the turmoil. I shattered personal records at the Alpha Win Hudson Valley 10K and the Chicago Spring 10K, relishing the fleeting euphoria of those victories. Yet, the aftermath was nothing short of excruciating. The persistent pain became a cruel companion, one that refused to abate despite my efforts. Even the opioids prescribed by a pain specialist offered little relief.
Navigating Limited Options
Confronted with limited options, my surgeon presented three paths: a partial knee replacement with robotic assistance, a Misha knee system implant, or simply enduring the escalating pain. The thought of bone particles floating within my knee sends shivers down my spine. After a grueling six-month wait, insurance finally green-lit the Misha implant, and surgery is now set for October 23rd.
Facing the Fear of Anesthesia
The prospect of undergoing general anesthesia fills me with dread, exacerbated by the necessity of blood thinners due to the stent in my head. Yet, despite the fear, there is a glimmer of hope. I cling to the possibility of a future where running is no longer synonymous with agony. A future where I can lace up my sneakers, join my running group, and savor the simple joy of movement without pain.
Holding Onto Hope
As I brace myself for the road ahead, I remind myself that I’ve faced formidable challenges before and emerged stronger. This surgery, daunting as it may be, is a step towards reclaiming a part of my life that’s been overshadowed by pain. I hold onto the hope that on the other side of this journey, there lies a horizon where I can run freely once more.
